Do Only "Good" Moms Write on the Internet?

On a sunny otherwise fine Georgia day, for reasons unknown to me, my great-grandmother stopped speaking to my grandmother and my mom–and little baby me. She stepped out of our lives and didn’t want anything to do with us. A few years later, she came back into our lives and loved us so fiercely and completely that we still have deep, lasting, fond memories of her. It was like nothing ever happened in my kid eyes.

But my mom never forgot it.

She swore that wouldn’t happen to her and her mother. But, despite everything she tried, it did. When my oldest was five, my grandmother (his great-grandmother) stopped speaking to us. She stepped out of our lives and didn’t want anything to do with us. My mom was devastated and spent the last few years of her life trying to repair the damage.

And when she passed away, I made a promise to her that I would try to make things right with my grandmother.

Things are better now, thankfully, but I haven’t navigated these waters with all that much grace. And my kids have seen me mess up, get angry, and even express my hurt in ways that aren’t the “good mom” kind of way.

In short, I come from a long line of mom mistakes.

Probably just like you, because, as I’ve learned, all humans make mistakes, so all moms make mistakes, too.

I’m glad to also come from a long line of moms who loved their kids – despite not always knowing how to show it.

But I also come from a place where child abuse and neglect are out of control and mind-blowingly hidden. A place where, during the 2020 COVID pandemic, a 12-year-old girl was neglected so badly that she died from the effects her body suffered from parasites. A reality that hit me hard when I heard about it months later. Her family didn’t look so different from the way I grew up. Her house in the news video didn’t look that drastically different from my old house. She even looked like 12-year-old me just a little.

According to my background, no one would look at me and say I was destined to be a really good mom.

So when I became a mom in 2005 (at the ripe old age of 23), I wanted to defy the odds. I was determined to be a really, really good mom. I read countless books. I stayed up at all times of the night watching my little guy sleep. I had a wipe warmer. I devoted my every waking moment to breastfeeding and then making my own baby food and All. The. Things.

I did my best, but so many days, I felt like it still wasn’t good enough.

Nothing I did felt adequate to show my little boys how much they meant to me.

A few years later, when I discovered other moms spreading encouragement and knowledge and building a motherhood community on the internet at a place called iMOM.com, I felt my writer’s heart desperately wanting to join their ranks. But something inside me whispered, “You could never be good enough for that.”

Sadly, I listened to that voice for years.

I wrote one article, it got rejected, and I sunk into the “I’ll never be good enough” mom club – the ones too afraid to try to write on the internet.

Until I learned something really important: There is no “good enough” and there are no “good” moms, either.

Good is about comparison, and comparison is never a good idea.

Good is about living up to the expectations we put on ourselves, most of which just aren’t realistic.

Good is about trying to be something on the outside, no matter what our insides are telling us.

To our kids, there’s only us – the only moms they’d ever want.

Loving our kids, paying attention to them, and providing for them, that’s what makes us mom to them. Letting them know we love them, making sure we’re there, keeping a clean(ish) house, and showering them with love and good food is enough.

For those of us with the resources to do that on our own, it can still be difficult sometimes, but we can rock it a lot of days. That’s enough.

And for moms who don’t have resources, I hope they know how to ask for help. I hope we know how to give it.

These days, I have the privilege of writing on the internet for other moms every single week (right here on my blog – and even on iMOM and loads of other places too), but not because I’m a “good” mom – or the “best” at anything.

I’m not.

I make the same mistakes you do.

I go through some of the same struggles you do, too. And a lot of other ones I never talk about online.

And in the hard moments, I need to remind myself that I’m doing my best – just like you.

Except for the times when I realize I need to make big changes.

Because sometimes I have to do better than my best.

The learning curve of motherhood truly never ends.

It cuts me deep sometimes.

And from the moment I started Togetherness Redefined by sending that very first togethern ess tip back in April 201 9, I promised myself I'd always be genuine.

I swore I'd never fake it.

So just in case you read my blogs and Friday morning emails week after week (or year after year) and you think my family is special and I have it all together, rest assured we aren't and I don't.

We make mistakes.

I fall flat on my face and want to hide.

Sometimes I don't feel like I can get back up again.

But I still believe in the power of parenthood – that there's more for all of us than we could even imagine. I still believe in more adventure, bigger dreams, and deeper relationships for my family and for yours.