The Power of the Daily Hug

It's a simple little thing, but oh so important...

The hug. Do you ever wonder who invented it? Why did it become a thing? When did humans first decide to put their arms around each other to draw another person near? I'm not sure, but I'm so glad we have it, and I've seen hugs work as a huge togetherness factor in families - even for the most bristly relative or teenager.

I'll explain.

I've been searching my memory bank this week trying to remember a hug moment that really stands out in my mind. I certainly remember the hug I gave my soon-to-be husband right after he proposed, the last few standing hugs my mom was able to give me, and the first embrace I gave each of my two little baby boys soon after they came into this world. I also remember lots more too - the super tight squeeze from a relative or an old friend after being apart so long, the sweet cuddles of little people I love so much, and the warm embrace of a wise older friend who could tell I needed someone.

Honestly, though, the hugs that come to mind most for me are the ones that happen in my house every day.

They're not anything out of the ordinary - not filled with tears or full of anything at all except maybe a bit of love, but they mean everything to me.

In our house, we have a habit of hugging when each of us wakes up. It's something I came up with when my oldest turned 3 and decided he didn't want to be a cuddly little guy anymore. How a 3-year-old could decide that, I have no idea, but he had been the cuddliest baby and toddler and then woke up one morning and just wasn't into cuddles (and still isn't).

But I knew hugs were important way back then, and I wasn't about to let my mama days slip by without getting hugs from him. So, I created the morning cuddle. Every morning when each of us sees the other for the first time, we give each other a morning cuddle. Some days it's the quickest thing that happens all day for a husband who barely has time to give a squeeze before he's off to his next project or the teenager who has a book he'd much rather cuddle than his mama, but I know that even the quickest hug matters.

Why does hugging once a day matter? Because it says "I see you" and it creates a habit you can draw on when things go off the rail.

Every morning when we close our books and computers and put down our phones to say "good morning" with a hug, it tells them they're important. And when you have a habit of hugging built, it seems a bit easier to offer a hug when someone gets hurt by a friend, when you need to say you're sorry, when you get bad news, or when someone wakes up on the wrong side of the bed for a day or a week or a month. (Even my non-cuddly teenager will offer hugs when people are hurting, and they mean the world to me.)

By now it's something I don't even have to think about - when I see my hubby and kids for the first time in the morning, they know I'm going to get my morning cuddle, and I even try to sneak in another one at night too. So, that means that in 15 years of marriage, I've likely hugged my husband at least 5,475 times. If we're married for 50 years, I'm likely to hug him at least 18,250 times. And if both of my kiddos are 18 when they head off to college, I'll get to hug them at least 6,570 times (or 13,140 times if I snag a hug at night too) and then so many more when they come back home on the weekends. (They will come home on the weekends, right?!) Now that's a big deal for togetherness if I've ever seen one.

Maybe it looks different in your house. Maybe you're better about offering a hug than I am, so you don't need to have a certain time of the day set aside for the family hugs. Or maybe you'd like to build a habit of hugging, but it seems too late now. It's not too late - it's never too late. Every habit is built one day at a time, and if you're reading this email, you have a day right now, so you've got all you need to get started.

Does it really matter though?

I could share some research with you that shows how much hugs matter for us humans or I could keep writing for a few more pages to try to convince you, but instead, I'll leave you with a true short story. A few years back, I had a coworker who gave the most sincere, loving hugs. I only saw her about once a month, and I didn't work closely with her on very many things at all, but every single time she saw me, she would give me the biggest, warmest hug and compliment me about something - my hair, my shoes, my lotion, anything. One time I got a little frustrated with her in an email exchange, but I didn't fly off the handle because I knew we had a connection and I would miss her hug if I made her mad about something as trivial as whatever it was that was happening in our email. So I gave her grace instead. The next time she saw me, she hugged me tight and even told me how much she loved my hugs and how much they meant to her. Then one morning I got an email from our CEO informing us that this vibrant young mother of 3 had passed away in her sleep unexpectedly the night before. I read the email 5 or 6 times before the truth sank in. She was only in her 40's - how could she be gone like that? And how would work feel without her hugs? It didn't feel the same, and it still doesn't. Her hugs made a difference, and as it turns out, there were many coworkers who felt the same way. She didn't just hug me every month - she hugged a lot of people. She was really good at connecting with people and had a knack for hugging people who really needed it. Who knew?

The truth is that our family members may never tell us how much our hugs mean to them. They may not ever even realize it themselves until we're walking into heaven one day and they're missing us. But they matter. If a monthly hug from a work acquaintance matters as much as what I've just described, those daily hugs in your house matter exponentially more. I promise.

What about you?

Has anyone in your world ever told you how much your hugs mean to them?

Whether they have or not, the truth is that your hugs matter - a lot. Your hugs make people feel cared for, they release the happy brain chemicals we all need, and they reduce stress and increase your chances of being happy and healthy. Even for people who don't like hugs. (There's a bit of that research I said I wasn't going to bore you with - I just couldn't help it!)

Has a hug ever transformed a day - a week - a year - in your family?

Hop into the email group and join the discussion - I'd love to hear about it!