Why It's Important to Speak With Respect at Home

A few weeks ago, I took my boys to a science center for a #fieldtripfriday adventure, and I had an encounter that made me want to scream at an elementary school teacher right in front of an auditorium full of kids. Then it made me want to scream at myself too, and it turned out to be a huge lesson for me in building family togetherness. Here's what happened...

The room was extremely noisy with too many kids talking and trying to find seats all at once and only a few parents and teachers among them. A couple of the boys in one class couldn't decide where they wanted to sit, so they tried out more than a few spots. When the teacher noticed this, she barked, "Just find a spot and sit in it already! You're so annoying!" and then she proceeded to lash out at other students in a similar fashion.

That's when I wanted to scream at her and tell her more than a few things, one of which is that kids shouldn't be treated like cattle or told they're annoying.

Pretty quickly though, I realized that I probably would have done the same thing if I were in her shoes and there have been so many times I've had to push the family reset button because I've gone off the rails.

And then I wanted to scream at myself for even thinking about calling her out like that and for ever making my own kids feel as disrespected as the kids I had just seen. 

Meanwhile, my own kids were watching this scenario play out, shrinking in their seats as they heard several teachers barking orders at other kids, and I spent the entire program thinking about how the way we talk to the people in our families matters so much, wondering what my own kids would take away from this encounter. In fact, I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I barely noticed what the program was even about. So, when we got in the car afterward, I brought up the topic with them.

We talked about how parents and teachers always try to speak with respect when we talk to other people - kids included - but we don't always get it right.

Then I told them about the time before they were born when I was a teacher in a traditional school with a classroom full of students and that my own behavior was pretty similar to the teachers we saw in the auditorium that day. I was ashamed to admit it, but it was the truth, and I told them that I hope we always speak with respect in our home, no matter what we need to say.

The truth is that even though we're a traveling homeschool family trying to find our way in the deep waters of worldschooling, I have a lot of respect for teachers who work in traditional schools, and I think they're heroes and saints for what they do. (In fact, I wish so many of them would homeschool themselves so that they would teach at a coop and we could glean from their expertise.) But so many times when even the best of us are under stress, we lash out and say things we really don't mean in ways that make others feel horrible, and we need a way to stop it.

I'm far from perfect in this area and I often find myself apologizing for things I've said to the people I love the most.

But there's one trick that has made a huge difference in our home; it's RESPECT.

The best way I've found to help me watch what I say and keep from saying things I don't mean is to deeply respect the other person in every way - no matter how young or old that person is.

If I respect someone, I'm much less likely to treat him like cattle, barking at him like he can barely walk the right way or function as a human. If I respect someone, I'm much more likely to assume the best about her and listen in a way that makes her feel heard and valued. If I respect someone, I'm much more likely to hear his point of view without discounting it right away. And when I'm struggling to respect someone in my family, I can see it reflected in the way I treat them (and I bet they can see it too).

Also, since the experts say we get what we look for, I know that respecting the people in our homes will have benefits for years to come.

As we look for the best in the people who share our homes and inhabit our lives, we'll get the best out of them.

How do you keep respect on the tip of your tongue with the people you love the most?

Come over to the email group and join the discussion - I would love to hear them!