Do You Know How to Just Be?
“What do you do?”
It's a question I get all the time when people learn that we've been a full-time traveling family for over 6 years now. I get it. They want to know how we make money if we're never in one place for very long. It's a valid question and I don't mind talking about it, but what I really wish they would ask is, Who are you?
Because what I do for money is simply not who I am, and it took me way too long to realize that fact.
We all do a lot of things. Some of us manage or design software systems, teach school, cut and style hair, or own our own business while others sell insurance, do online marketing, make jewelry, design logos, write books, help patients recover, clean houses, or manage financial records. Some of us stay at home with our babies while others work outside the home to lead meetings, run big businesses, or help nonprofits thrive. Some of us do several of those things at the same time and some do one thing for a while and then find we've taken a wrong turn and switch to something else. We all do other things too - the not-making-money things like taking kids and relatives where they need to go, visiting people we love, making meals, cleaning our own houses, etc. And somewhere amidst all that doing, we forget about the being.
It's easy to do because we all talk so much about our work and tend to put people in boxes based on what kind of work they do, but it's not all that often that we ask each other about our hopes and dreams, what we feel like we were put on this planet to do, and what we really enjoy. If we did, I think a lot of those boxes we put people in would disappear.
The truth is that our families don't need what we do nearly as much as they need who we are, and it's up to us to really show up as who we are despite all that we do.
It's hard to balance the two. That's why every year around the Holidays, everyone in my house takes extra time away from work and school so that we can schedule in some "Be" days. On those days, we don't do a whole lot of anything. Instead, we find time to be who we are, find something we love, and enjoy being on this planet. Inevitably, those "Be" days leave us feeling extra thankful for each other, wanting to do more together and be more together, and I come away realizing how these "Be" days are a game-changer for connection.
If you happen to like to do a lot and struggle to take "Be" days like that girl who stares back at me in the mirror every morning, here are a few ideas that have worked for us:
Stay in your pajamas all day and see what happens.
Park yourself in a chair with a journal or a book and listen to the flow of your home when no one is really doing anything at all.
Pull out an activity you don't do together very often (a board game, a deck of cards, etc.) and see how long you can linger over it.
Extend mealtimes, starting with a long, luxurious breakfast.
When someone asks, "What are we doing today?" let them know there's no agenda - we're just hanging out - and see where it goes from there.
My guess is that you'll find yourself doing plenty of things together that you wouldn't have thought of if you hadn't set aside time to just be.
At the end of the day, I just bet these "Be" days will stick in the minds of our families for years to come so that when people ask us to describe each other, we might just talk about who they are more than what they do.
Maybe instead of saying, "My husband is an accountant" or "My son is at the top of his class," we might be able to say, "My husband is the most creative guy I know" or "My son loves to tell funny jokes." I personally dream about people asking my kids what their mom is like, and instead of them responding with "She's a busy lady who works really hard on her computer, but I don't know what she does exactly," they might just say something like, "She's the bravest, smartest, most loving and talented woman you'll ever meet. She loves to hike mountains, swim in the ocean, read books, write about our family, hang out with us, and give giant hugs and sloppy kisses."
Whatever you dream about your kids saying, I just bet they'll find that part of you on a "Be" day too.
What do "Be" days look like in your family?
Hop into our email group and share - I'd love to hear about it!