Why We Learn So Much More When We're Wrong

“You learn so much more when you’re wrong.” That was the last thing I wanted to hear when I got the news that my year-long thesis project was a better fit for a garbage can than a scientific journal.

In short, I was devastated.

So I closed my Macbook, calmly walked past my loving family, and curled into bed under a soft, fuzzy blanket before the heaves gave way.

A whole year wasted.

But after a few minutes of crying under that fuzzy blanket, I told myself, "This isn't helping a thing," and I went back to my life.

It was the next morning while I was brushing my teeth when the realization hit me -

"You learn so much more when you're wrong."

I say it to my little guys all the time when their eyes well up with tears after working hard on a math assignment only to find out it needs correction, so I couldn't believe it took an entire day for me to apply it to myself.

Actually, maybe I could.

You see, around this time two years ago I was having a bit of an identity crisis. I'd been working online for a nonprofit for a few years and spending all of my free time homeschooling my kiddos and traveling around the US looking for epic family adventures, but I still couldn't shake the feeling that it was past time for me to pursue my master's degree and step into a new season.

So, I did what I always do when I need wisdom, advice, and knowledge - I went to the bookstore. That day I found three books on the BTGO table that I felt were put there just for me, and two of them deeply impacted me. One was Eat to Live by Dr. Joel Fuhrman (a topic for a story I'll have to share another day), and the other was Destiny by Bishop T.D. Jakes. After reading just the first half of that book, I was convinced that it was time for me to pursue my master's degree dreams.

But how could I get my master's degree and keep traveling full-time, working full-time, and homeschooling my kids?

That was a good question, so I talked to my husband and asked if we could make it work, and he said we would do whatever we had to if I really wanted to do it.

And we did. I worked so hard for two years, overcame some major obstacles, and felt so thankful to have taken the plunge after seeing how happy it made my mom to see me going back to school just before it was her time to go to heaven, how happy it made me to be going after one of my biggest dreams, and what a good learning experience it was for my whole family.

I maintained a 4.0 GPA throughout the program, giving every single class my all and barely holding the rest of my busy days together.

"It's just 2 years," I kept telling myself, "and then I can take a break and get the rest of my life back in balance."

I chose the thesis option for program completion because I wanted the experience of doing real research to prepare me for my next dream - a PhD in Sociology. I also chose the thesis option because I deeply care about the tragedy of human trafficking that is plaguing our nation, and I've wanted to contribute to the anti-trafficking movement for over 10 years, never really finding my place in the fight. A published, empirical research project would definitely help, so I was going to do one.

And then, after working intensively on the project for an entire year, I logged into my college email to submit my complete draft for a final round of feedback to find an email from my advisor letting me know that a committee member had found a fundamental flaw in my draft and I needed to fix it - fast.

At first, I resisted, but then I gave in, deciding I'd do whatever I had to in order to finish the project and the program. So I put off my plans for relaxing, doubled down for another round of work, sent the draft in for final edits, and prepared everything for my thesis defense meeting. I felt confident and thankful to be finished.

And then, as I finished my thesis defense presentation, I was hit with a blow I never saw coming - my entire project would need to be redone again and I wouldn't be graduating until it was resubmitted and approved.

I honestly didn't even know something like this was possible. I had submitted my draft for feedback every step of the way, made special trips to meet with professors, and made every personal sacrifice possible to finish the thesis and graduate according to my schedule.

I was at the end of my rope. I had nothing left to give, and they were telling me that my everything just wasn't enough.

My graduation celebration would have to be postponed and everyone who was rooting for me would have to be informed that they might have to root for me just a bit longer. My star-student over-achiever reputation wasn't going to hold true any longer.

To say that I was disappointed and humiliated would be a gross understatement. I was devastated.

For a quick minute, I decided I would try to dig even deeper for just a few days and resubmit it again to see if I could still meet my graduation goal, but the migraines came quickly to tell me that wasn't going to happen. So, I learned how to embrace disappointment, lean into my family, and let my humiliation go.

And as I started sharing this with my family and friends and my email group, I realized I had a big choice to make -

Would I try to blame someone or would I pick myself up and start again?

To be honest, I really wanted to blame someone, and I spent more than a few hours ranting about how this should have been handled differently by several people other than myself. But in the end, I decided that I'm going to let that go and start again after a bit of a rest, and maybe - just maybe - the final project will be better because of this hiccup.

Maybe this was always meant to be a part of the journey.

Maybe there's something I would have missed otherwise.

Maybe there's a bigger story I need to find.

Most definitely I will have learned more in being wrong than I ever could have in being right.

Why do we learn more when we're wrong? Because being wrong stings. It leaves a mark. It causes determination to seep out of our bones and into our souls in a way we never forget.

Whether we encounter it in our work, at home, in our education journeys, or just in a discussion with a friend, being wrong will happen to all of us, and I truly believe it's those of us who can take disappointment and turn it into a learning experience who reap the benefits.

Why share a story like this on a website dedicated to going after family adventure and togetherness?

Because sometimes we'll be wrong in that area of our lives too. Sometimes we'll choose the wrong schooling option for our kids, the wrong community to live in, the wrong church to go to, the wrong housing option, the wrong hotel or rental car, even the wrong country or city to visit.

And in those moments when we realize we've chosen something wrong, we need permission to know that being wrong doesn't mean something is wrong with us - it means we're learning.

You are still learning. You are human. You can start again. No matter what.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

How have you dealt with being wrong and what did it teach you?

Hop into the email group and join the discussion – I’d love to hear from you!