Can you really shift your family life overnight?

Recently I read that we parents are our kids' managers, teachers, and coaches from birth until they suddenly fire us and go on to manage their own lives, leaving us with a choice — We can shift our family life and become their cheerleaders, refuse to shift and sink our controlling claws in, or give up and disengage completely. I bet you can guess that options two and three aren't great for building deep relationships (maybe you even have your own memories from adolescence to remind you—or if you don't, just watch the new Disney+ movie Turning Red with your family and see if anyone's giving you the side-eye).

But the question is ⤵

How do we suddenly become their cheerleaders when we've been their coaches all this time?

It's hard.

But so necessary.

And I'm not here to give you the magic formula (sorry).

What I can tell you is that it's possible. And it starts with small steps—like challenging yourself to step back in areas where you normally lead, giving your kids a little more control and independence in one area after another without disengaging or becoming unavailable.

For me right now, this means easing up on my "correcting mama mode". Because lately, I've been noticing how bossy I can be (seriously thanks, Turning Red ) and how that's not who I want to be at all. So yesterday, I woke up wondering what it would be like to go a whole day without giving correction, instruction, direction, or guidance to anyone.

➳ No "Don't forget to wash out your OJ glass".
➳ No “Did you brush your teeth?” or "It works better like this."
➳ Not even “Could you wear something a little nicer since we're going out tonight?” (boy, that one reminds me of that old Toni Morrison video we talked about in 2019)

I failed miserably— I'm trying again today. (Isn’t that how we make every change we want to make?) But what I learned is this ⤵

We can change anything, shift anything, become anything, or even shake up our whole family dynamic with small, daily steps.

➳Choose what you want to shift.

➳Set your intention.

➳Keep it on your heart.

➳Get practical tools to help when you need them.

➳Start over the next day as many times as it takes.

Anything is possible.

So today, if you have something on your mind that you've been trying to change, an area you've been trying to grow in, or if you're just tired of correcting your kids 10,000 times a day and want your relationship to be so much more than that, here's some encouragement that you're on the right track.

You're here.

You're trying, and they see that.

Keep going.

UPDATE ➳ One week later . . .

Can I tell you what happened after sending you that "What if you could go a whole day without correcting your kids" togetherness tip last week?

Exactly 7 days of catching myself correcting my kids constantly — that's what.

But that's how it goes sometimes when we're trying to make a change, right? We want the adjustment to happen overnight, so we write it down, think about it, and try. Then, we spend days and days catching ourselves doing what we didn't want to do until we give up trying altogether.

I know.

I do it all the time.

But this time it's different. This time, every day when I caught myself doing the thing I didn't want to do, I got busy creating a tool to help me change. I researched and wrote about the steps we all take when we want to change something in our lives. I practiced those steps. I excavated writing prompts I've been collecting for years to help. I kept practicing and collecting tools, and I started using them every day. (I'm still using them.)

Here's the result ⤵

➳ A brand-new mini-course called “Shift Your Life Overnight: 5 Simple Steps”

➳ A tribute to creativity and Big Magic — a book I'm absolutely obsessed with

Why?
Because when we're stuck in a rut (like me correcting my kids constantly), the simple act of creating something to help ourselves helps us start to move past that rut. Or at least it helps us hope that we can. And as a good byproduct, creativity can be our salve. Instead of feeling sorry for ourselves or guilty about continuing to struggle, we can use our creativity to help us figure things out and overcome the fear that we're never going to change.

Also, because I'm a personal growth junkie, and finally (finally!) after 15 months of writing, paring down, offering different options, and editing, I finally have a way to share practical personal growth tools with you that doesn't require sending daily emails or sharing a massive Google Drive link, or charging an arm and a leg. (This is the exciting announcement part!) Finally, you can find Togetherness Redefined courses and mini-courses any time you want them at teachable.com! There are three there right now — more coming soon!

And finally,

Because any work we do on ourselves will have a HUGE ripple effect on our families for years and years to come.

I hope to see you over there.

💛

“There is nothing more powerful or radical or stunningly beautiful than a woman who chooses to rebuild her life day after day after day.

No matter how many pieces there are to pick up, or how many mistakes she must spin into gold.”
—Cara Alwill Leyba

💛
“Self-development is a higher duty than self-sacrifice.”
—Elizabeth Cady Stanton