What Happens When We Shut Down the Devices at Home?
Movies - TV - Video Games - Computers - Phones
Screens - we have a love/hate relationship with them, don't we?
We watch movies and tv shows snuggled up with our families. We make space for video games for the kiddos. We do good work and create good things on the computer. We connect with friends on our phones. We do it all - almost every single day, all day long.
We have screen time limits (at least my family does), but we push those limits right up to the edge. There's so much good out there to learn and do on screens, and so much bonding to be had around them too, so we plug in more than we unplug sometimes.
In our house, we relax the limits in the summer for late night movies and video games with friends on rainy days. We completely put the kids' limits aside for date night.
And we sometimes find ourselves leaning on screens when things get hard or busy or uncomfortable.
Every family has hard days or weeks or months, and this past month has been a hard one for my family. The growth spurts, life changes, big projects, bad weather bummers, and switching to a summer schedule finally got to us a few nights ago, and we were starting to feel disconnected in all sorts of ways (and Mama was really crabby too, if I'm being honest).
I knew something had to give.
Since I'm guessing those disconnected weeks and months happen to your family too, I'd like to share what happened next.
I reached a breaking point one day this week and canceled all non-work-related screens for the day, knowing we all needed a break. The boys were disappointed to lose their video game time, but they knew they deserved the consequence for bickering all day.
I thought it would be a night of everyone quietly reading in bed while I caught up on some work, so I opened the Macbook and dove into a project.
Then, one of the kids plopped on my bed with tears in his eyes, and I had a choice to make: Do I shut down the computer and lean in? Or give him a quick hug and tell him I'll be ready to talk in just a few minutes?
What happened next is something I will never forget. I shut down the computer, and he rambled on for a few minutes and then squeezed me in a hug for a long, long time. And in that moment, I was thankful there weren't any screens drowning out the connection.
I almost missed it - I almost didn't put down the computer right away.
But I'm so glad I did.
When his brother came out of the shower, I was ready with a question that led to a good 20-minute conversation, and again I was reminded why I so love to shut down those devices altogether from time to time.
The truth is this is hard for some families.
I get that - we were there too when my kids were really small. We had made a habit of putting the tv on for hours in the mornings and evenings, but one day I decided we just needed a big break from it. So we started shutting it off more and more, and eventually, we were only using it when we wanted to watch something specific.
Turning off the screens wasn't easy for the kids when they were tiny, but it got easier and easier - and we got closer and closer in the process.
And now they're totally used to asking, "Can we watch a movie?" or "How much screen time can we have today?" instead of flipping on the tv willy nilly.
And they're also used to me saying "We're not doing screens today" when I feel like we need a break.
It's still hard on crazy busy days when I need the kids to be distracted while I pull off a big project, but when we use screens sparingly and shut them down often, the togetherness factor grows bit by bit.
If you've been wondering how to set healthy screen limits with your family…
Here are a few resources we've used over the years to help us set good boundaries and stick to them:
I'll be the first to admit that I've wanted to turn on Netflix a little too much this past month and ignore the 10,000 things I needed to do or talk about or try to fix in the evenings with my family. And some nights that's what I did, but on those nights when I resisted and shut down the devices to lean in instead, that's when the connection happened.
So whether you cuddle up together this weekend with a movie, a stargazing night, a hike, a book, or a campfire, I hope it leads to all the togetherness you've been wanting with your family in your own special way.
How do you set healthy screen limits in your house?
Come join the discussion in the email group - I'd love to chat with you.