How Taking Time Away Can Sometimes Be the Best Thing for Family Togetherness
I'm reading a book called The Artist's Way. It's written by Julia Cameron. If you haven't heard of it before, it's a personal growth masterpiece.
One of my favorite parts about it is the quotes. These aren't little quotes she googled while looking for something to entertain her readers – they're zingers. One of which completely stopped me cold the other day.
First, because it made my heart skip a beat.
Then, because it made me curious about what it means for family togetherness.
It was this:
“Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of a parent.”
It reminds me of that time a few years ago when I felt an undeniable pull to finish my graduate degree. Then, the mom guilt that chased me down when I sent in my application. And the inevitable moment, 18 months later, when I realized I couldn't finish that degree without spending a few days away from my family holed up in a rental house with my computer and a yoga mat.
So I rented a room alone. And I cried that first night away from my family, missing them, feeling sad to be spending time away for a reason that might be selfish. But the next day, I realized something – being away from them for a few days was way better than staying home and getting frustrated, crabby, and angry at not having the peace and quiet I needed to finish my work. It also meant I could be more present with them when I got back.
Still, I struggled. But here's how that story ended - I chipped away at my insecurities and turned that trip into a solo adventure. When I got home, I was more thankful for my family than I had been in a long time. A few months later, I failed the project and had to redo it (another personal growth adventure altogether), but the experience of taking time away to do something important to me changed me so deeply that now I try to do it often.
It also reminds me of the many moms I've met in every place I've traveled who describe themselves as "just a mom". The ones who immediately feel intimidated and guilt-ridden when I ask them about stepping into their personal dreams in addition to the family dreams they're chasing. The ones who have talents they never share with the world because they want to be there for their kids and they think pursuing their own dreams will take them away from that.
I politely disagree with them.
Sure, there are moms who abandon their kids for their own dreams – physically, emotionally, mentally, or all of the above. And it's scary to think we could get to a place like that.
But you need to know this:
We do not need to choose between being a great mom and living our own lives well. We cannot choose. We are both.
We cannot leave either life unlived. Both make us who we are.
I don't know what your week has been like. I don't know what you're going through right now.
You might have had to spend too much time away from your family for work or other reasons and really don't need time away right now.
Or, you might have been spinning all the plates for a while and are starting to get snippy with everyone because you need some time to recenter, regain perspective, and revive a dream you've had on the backburner for a long, long time.
If you're in the first category, I hope you have so many big adventures and small, valuable moments with your crew this weekend.
If you're in the second, here's one simple thing you can do this weekend:
Go on a date with yourself.
Julia Cameron calls it an "artist's date" and she recommends that everyone take their inner artist out on a date at least once a week to find a few things that often hide at home . . .
space to think,
time to dream,
freedom to create something new inside ourselves,
room to create something new for the people in our world.
It can be as big as booking a night away from home at a beach hotel or as small as turning off your phone and taking your tea and notebook onto the front porch and setting a timer for an undisturbed hour or two.
It can also look like going to a coffee shop alone to read, taking a walk for some nature therapy, or getting up super early to go on a sunrise hike.
Or something else entirely.
For single parents or parents with little kids and babies, it will take more coordination. (Hopefully, some of us with partners and older kids will help – please ask.)
Whatever you have to do to make it happen, it'll be worth it.
Here's to leaning into our families with all our hearts – and realizing that to do that well, sometimes we're going to take a little time away, too.
No lives unlived.
Want more inspiration?
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