Thoughts on Measuring Up and What Really Matters

Last Sunday, while waiting in the grocery line, I picked up the latest issue of Magnolia Magazine and tossed it on the belt. I almost never buy magazines on a whim, but I’ve been doing some heavy reading lately and I needed something light and encouraging and all about spring (which is in starts and stops right now in my little corner of the world).

When I got home, I settled in on my reading porch and opened the magazine to a quote that made me thankful for my impulsive magazine purchase. It said this ⤵⤵⤵

“Our culture has come to quantify influence based on algorithms, not beating hearts.

Impact is estimated by the number of views, likes, or shares a social media post or viral video gets in a day.

But rarely do we get to see how far that impact goes, whether it changes a thing for anyone on the receiving end.

Besides, these days the stage is already so crowded, and the shouting match already so convoluted,

that our world is becoming overwhelmed with all the noise that comes at us day after day.

Noise we'll never fully control, hard as we might try.

And it makes me wonder if maybe we're missing the forest for the trees.

I'm beginning to see how real, lasting impact begins much closer to home.

In how we handle the seemingly smaller moments.

A tough conversation with [a spouse]. . .

A dispute the kids are having. . .

It sounds so simple, but it seems to me that if we can't figure out kindness and respect among those we live with,

then we've got no shot at making any sense of how to conduct ourselves beyond our walls.

I believe our homes are where our intentions take root.

And that on most days my most powerful platform looks an awful lot like our kitchen table and the conversations that happen there. . .”

It came from the very back of the magazine in the “Chip has the last word” section, and whether you’re a fan of the Gaines duo and their empire or not, I hope you’ll see the gold with me here.

If you also like to create and share things on the internet, social media, or otherwise, I'm sure you recognize the struggle with algorithms and likes, the desire to make a difference, the pull to be "on" so much of the time. Now I'm not trying to say I have a stage anything like the one the Gaines family has, but the truth is, we all have a stage on some level.

We all have influence. We all try to measure up in some area.

And sometimes the hustle can make it so easy to lose sight of those smaller moments and what really matters.

If you don't like to create and share things, I hope you still find gold — a chance to settle, look around your own kitchen table at the small moments, and smile as you notice what really matters.

Because at the end of our days on this planet, I don't think we'll be worried about popularity, likes, and follows at all.

When it comes down to it, I think what happens at home —the togetherness we create— is going to matter so much more.

I also want you to have a behind-the-scenes peek into what it's like where I sit.

Most weeks when I get ready to send these togetherness tips to you on Friday mornings, I struggle with self-doubt and wonder if I deserve this privilege, if my mistakes disqualify me from speaking about family togetherness, if I should just live instead of writing about living, if this is really how I ought to be spending your time — and mine. Just like you might wonder if where you serve, work, and show up in the world is where you ought to be sometimes, too.

Especially in the social media-focused world we live in right now, it becomes way too easy to tune out to the people in front of us as we tune into everyone else's lives in tiny boxes, to scroll and scroll, and share our best moments, and wake up with an empty, dissatisfied feeling wondering why we feel so disconnected and what it's all for.

In these moments, we have a choice — we can either press on and keep striving, or we can take a beat to reset and go inward.

Sometimes, we have to press on, keep going, pick ourselves up and get back to the hustle. But other times, we need to take a minute to go inward, do some soul-searching, and see if there are things we need to tweak, change, or overturn completely.

Especially if what we're doing has an impact on who we are at home.

(Really, doesn't almost everything?)

Showing up with attention, kindness, and respect around our kitchen tables in the small moments with the people we love the most — that’s something that really matters.

That’s something we can all hang on to.

Even if we get it wrong sometimes. Even if we've lost sight of it for months at a time. Even if we have to step back from some things and go inward for a while to make it happen.

(Go ahead, algorithms, punish us for it — we don't care.)

This week, I hope you can get past the noise and tune in to what really matters in your home with your people.

And I hope you know I'll be trying to do the same thing with mine in a little cabin in the woods in Maine.

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