What I Did When God Benched Me

Learning a Lesson about Timing

A few years ago, I found myself feeling lost, pouring out my heart to God by asking a question that had been nagging at me for months.

"So, um, why did you bench me, God?"

The question came straight from my heart through my lips, bypassing every filter in my mind about what I should and shouldn’t say to the Creator of the Universe. I immediately back-tracked and clarified.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I feel this way, but I guess it just feels like You keep putting me on the bench.”

Mind you, I've never liked being put on the bench. Growing up, I had to be in the game. If I was on the bench, I was miserable. Softball, basketball, track, and even tennis - I did whatever I had to do to get into the game and off of that bench. Now, as a mom of two, the only athletics I participated in were chasing a toddler while shooting nerf guns with my son, but I felt like I had been working so hard to step into my place in the world - to be someone in life, in work, and in ministry.

Then, all of a sudden, I saw only bright red flashing stoplights in my path.

Years before, just when we were getting started leading youth ministry, we felt a strong call to move to Australia. Then, when we came home and started leading worship at a large church and working in nonprofit, we felt called to scale back, focus on our family, and move to a new place where we knew no one. Within just a few months of moving to our new home, we were asked to lead worship for a new church plant, but early one Sunday morning as I opened my Bible, I had a feeling that we needed to step back again. Quickly, I asked my husband what he thought, and his words confirmed my feeling pretty matter-of-factly:

“I know it's not the right time – I'm just doing it for you.”

That sealed it – we were being benched.

We didn’t go to church that Sunday. Instead, I prayed. “What do You mean You don’t want us to take another worship leading position?” “What do You mean You don’t want us to be a part of the leadership for the new church plant?”

“What does ministry look like if we’re not out in front or leading on stage?”

I was going to let down every single person I had built relationships with, and I'd be going back on the promises I had made. I wouldn't be the one coming through for them, and I was heart-broken that so many people would be put out. But I knew from experience that trying to do something without the right timing is a recipe for disaster.

So, we stepped back, we broke off relationships, and we sought the Lord, refusing to go our own way or try to make ourselves something we weren’t called to be.

It was difficult, to say the least.

I didn’t even know how to describe it to our family and friends. All I could say was that I felt like we needed to go in a different direction. We just weren’t sure what exactly that was yet. In all honesty, it felt like we needed to strip away all of our religious performance and focus on an honest, face-to-face relationship with God, with each other, and with our kids. We just weren’t exactly sure what that looked like.

I felt like I had done something wrong. Little did I know that God was preparing me for something better than I had imagined.

Over the next several weeks, I poured myself into my family and my work. We didn’t have a church family anymore, but we did still have each other, a few close friends, and our extended family. And I was still working my dream job in nonprofit. “So, this is my ministry then? Okay, I can get on board with this - I’ll be the best wife and mama and non-profit regional manager on the planet! Maybe we’re getting ready to start our own ministry or something – wouldn’t that be great!”

And then early one morning as I was praying, I heard His voice so clearly it was almost audible,

“What if it's time to leave the job I called you to? Would you do it?”

And there it was. Out of nowhere, I was being benched again.

All I could think about was John's well-known declaration, “He must increase. I must decrease" and his life filled with the hidden places of the wilderness. I felt like God wasn’t just sitting me on the bench to wait my turn; He was sending me back to the locker room to hide.

All of this stepping back felt right in one sense, but it didn't fit with the verse that had been coming back to me again and again for months:

"Clear lots of ground for your tents! Make your tents large. Spread out! Think big! Use plenty of rope, drive the tent pegs deep. You’re going to need lots of elbow room for your growing family. You’re going to take over whole nations; you’re going to resettle abandoned cities. Don’t be afraid – you’re not going to be embarrassed. Don’t hold back – you’re not going to come up short.”  (Isaiah 54 THE MESSAGE)

“How in the world could I spread out and think big when He was taking everything away from me and sitting me on the bench?” I wondered.

That happened six years ago, and looking back on the past six years, all I can say is that I am so extremely glad that I took my seat on the bench and started seeing things a different way.

I didn’t know what God was calling us to then, but I did know that it's easier to redirect something in motion than to start something moving that's standing still. So, we started moving around, investing in our kids in deeper ways, and meeting new people. We bought a camper and started traveling the country. I gave up my dream job and took a more back-seat job that allowed me to travel with my family. I gave up ministry inside the church and was able to meet people I never would have met outside.

And slowly but surely, over the past six years, I've been able to see why God sat me on the bench.

As it turns out, He was right. (surprise surprise!)

I wasn’t ready. We weren’t ready.

For reasons I may never know, my family needed to be home together working from home, scaling back on our outside commitments, investing in each other. Over the past six years, I have come to see that it’s actually a good thing ministry and life doesn’t look like what I had in mind.

And now, six years later, I feel Him finally calling me into a new game – out of the locker room and off the bench - stepping into a role that will help families in ways I never could have all those years ago.

It still doesn’t look anything like what I thought it would, and I know I may be called to step back again if I need another season on the bench, but I'm going for it.

The other day I was talking with a friend about this new thing, and my friend started praying, “Lord, we commit this new thing to You. We pray for all of the families that will be helped, and we pray for Celeste in this stretching season. May her tents expand and her tent pegs go deeper.”

And there it was – that verse that was my companion at the beginning of this benching season had come back to me. It wasn’t a coincidence – it was a beautiful confirmation that it really is time for me to start getting off the bench. If I stay here any longer, I won’t be obeying any more.

And yet, I’m still prone to doubt. What if I can’t do this? What if you bench me again, God? What if I’m not getting it just right?

But thankfully, wisdom prevails and I realize:

If God orchestrated the timing so intricately up until this point, why would He dump it all on me now?

Can’t I trust Him to keep on guiding and moving and having His way in all of the details even now?

And I know I can. We all can.

So, if you’ve ever been benched by God, or if you’re sitting on the bench right now, I want to encourage you with a few things:

Keep going.

Refuse to compare yourself to anyone.

Lean into God and listen.

The day WILL come when He will call you back out onto the field, and if you do the hard work now, you'll be ready.

If I can do it, you can too.

Have some questions or struggling with the what-ifs? I would love to help - it's what I do now! Hop into the email group and send me an email. I’d love to connect with you.