Are Video Games Good or Bad for Family Togetherness?

I have a lot of opinions about video games. I’m pretty sure they formed somewhere around the year 1996 the first time I ended up spending a Saturday night alone while the guy I had a crush on spent the whole night playing video games with a friend. I haven’t been able to shake those opinions since.

Until last week.

I’ve been trying to write about family togetherness and video games for over a year now, but everything I wrote seemed wrong somehow. Last week, I learned why.

Last week, I had a revelation.

Video games have always seemed like a waste of time to me. Books, hikes, coffee shops, movies, even tweezing one's eyebrows, all seem like better ways to spend a few hours. So, I’ve always erred on the side of caution when it comes to video games for my kids, and my husband has always disagreed.

I ignored every video game trend while he chatted about them with the boys.

I bought into every study that came out about how video games are bad for kids while he dug out the ones that said the opposite.

I declared bans on video game time for every little thing that went wrong with the kids’ behavior while he patiently waited for the boys to get back to playing with him.

I took no interest, and while my husband had plenty of other jobs and hobbies to keep him busy, he tried to play a video game with the boys almost every day.

I loved seeing them bonding (and having a few hours to myself), but I still didn’t get it.

Then I watched The Social Dilemma on Netflix last weekend, and it clicked.

Seeing that mom on the screen flipping through her Instagram feed, I realized that when I'm answering messages on social media or monitoring my likes and follows, my face looks exactly the way my boys' faces look when they're playing video games.

Video games give them the kind of rush I get from making connections on social media.

For better or for worse, we're experiencing the same thrills and threat of addiction - just with different tools in our hands.

I get sick of thinking in Instagram captions and swear off the whole thing for a while only to go back because of the way I'm able to connect with people I care about there. Similarly, they get sick of the way a certain game is played or a certain update has been made and swear off that game for a while only to go back because they miss the connection.

And while I've been so worried that their love for video games could make them lose touch with reality or become someone I don't think they should be, I've been missing the bigger threat even more likely to make that happen for myself - the little super computer I keep around me all the time.

So, while the rest of the world is still debating the merits and demerits of video games, I can tell you they have the same potential to be good or bad for family togetherness as anything else does.

It's all in how we use them.

(If it surprises you to read that here on my site, I can bet you're not nearly as surprised as I am.)

At the end of the day, there are so many ways to build family togetherness with the people we love. If they like video games, then video games can be a part of that, too.

(And since I like to get outside and go on outdoor adventures - and research is indisputable about how good nature is for our brains and our kids, you better believe we're going to do that, too.)

I can't say I'm going to change my ways completely and start trying to play video games with my kids the way my husband does. (I'm completely happy for that to be his thing with them.) But I can say that I'm coming around to appreciate the way they bond now, and I'm thankful for it.

And who knows, maybe I'll even play a game or two every now and then. Come to think of it, they've been begging for a full family Mario Kart night. I think it's about time I gave in.

What about you?

Does anyone in your family love to play video games? Do you ever pick up a controller and take interest with them?

Hop into the email group and let’s chat.