Invest in Yourself for Family Togetherness

Have you stopped to think about how much you have (or haven't) spent on your own personal development this year and how that might impact family togetherness in your world?

It's true that moms (and women in general) are notorious for putting self-care and self-help on the back burner until something pushes us to it, but it doesn't have to be that way.

I have a story about how personal development shifted my own family togetherness mojo that I'd love to share with you. But first, a question:

When 2020 started ten months ago, what kind of changes were you hoping to make this year?

Did you want to learn photography skills or spend more time with your family?

Go on bigger adventures or become your own boss?

Did you have dreams of moving to a different city or country or going camping more with your husband?

Did you plan on writing your first book or getting healthier or gaining more self-confidence?

Have you taken the time to stop and think about the fact that you can still make some of those changes right now?

A few years ago, I started investing in my own personal development in bigger and bigger ways.

I realized I wasn't reaching any of the goals I had set for myself before I was a mom, and I was getting sick of hearing myself say things like, "One day, I'll get my master's degree" and "One day, I'll be a writer" and "One day, I'll have enough money to be generous the way I really want to be." I bought a couple of books, plugged myself into a few trusted sources, and dove headlong into the world of personal development.

All these months later, I've reached several of those persistent goals and dreams, I'm still working on a few, and I believe in the power of personal development so much that I'm teaching a couple of personal development programs myself right now - one for people who want to make a big life change and one for writers.

And my family has seen me come alive in ways I never have before.

I still have a long way to go to get better in so many areas of my life, but investing in myself enough to get on the path is making such a difference.

But I have a confession to make about personal development courses - especially of the online variety.

I was skeptical about them for a long time.

I've wanted to teach one for about 10 years now - since back before they were really a thing - but they felt scammy to me for some reason. I always felt like I was being tricked into something or paying money for no real change or help. I'm not sure where that belief came from (I bet my psychology-loving friends might have a few ideas, though), but it was a strong one, and it kept me from investing in myself for way too long.

Then I got desperate for growth in a certain area, and someone I trusted sent me an email about an online program that changed her life.

So I signed up.

And I paid a lot for it. (Actually, someone who loves me paid a lot for it.)

Two days into the program, I started kicking myself for all of the time I had wasted not investing in myself in this way.

To say that it changed my life would be a tremendous understatement. Not only did that online program help me get over the hump that had been holding me back for years, but it connected me to teachers and friends and a community of creative people I never would have known otherwise.

It was completely worth the investment.

Still, I felt guilty about the money it cost.

Another one of those annoying voices in the back of my mind kept making me wonder if I should have just worked harder to benefit from free online videos instead of paying to work with an online teacher.

And then I learned about the principle of value exchange (yep, from the personal development world). I learned that we humans are hardwired for connection and community and there's a reason we've been exchanging value with each other for thousands of years.

As soon as I realized I was expressing how valuable I was to my family and the world by spending actual dollars on something I needed to make myself stronger, better, and healthier, I didn't feel guilty anymore.

I saw myself valuing this online program I'd paid money for because I'd paid money for it. I was showing up, paying attention, and doing the work because it was valuable to me.

And here's the thing - it worked.

It's still working.

I'm still reading books I never would have found on my own, learning to do things I didn't know I could do, and growing in more ways than I can count.

And my family is reaping the benefits.

They get to see me showing up for myself, building confidence, challenging my misguided mindsets, and breaking my own limits, and as a result, they get to see me showing up for them in new ways, too - having more time to spend with them, navigating life with confidence, relishing in the good moments, chasing our family dreams.

It's crazy to me how many limiting beliefs we adopt that end up keeping us stuck in a rut we would have never chosen and how those limiting beliefs can end up spilling over onto the people we care about the most.

If you've been wondering if your own personal development is worth spending $20 on a book or buying an online program for $30 or $300 or even $3,000, I want to let you know something.

You're totally worth it.

Who you are and who you're meant to be for your family are totally worth it.

If you've been thinking about buying a book you know you need, buy it. If you've been wondering if that online program is worth it, give it a shot. Chances are, if you're doing it with someone you trust, you're going to get your money's worth and then some.

And of course, if you're a Mama who writes, or if you've been wanting to make big life changes (or wondering how you can navigate big changes being thrown at you), I'd love to have you in my personal development world.

As you noodle this around, I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes from Elizabeth Gilbert (a huge personal development hero of mine):

There are still huge swaths of women who never got the memo that their lives belong to them. There's this instinct that they need a permission slip from the principal's office for anything. You are allowed to ask yourself some really important questions about your life. You are allowed to take accountability and ownership for your own journey. You're allowed to ask what serves you. I know you've been trained up to serve everyone. But you're allowed to turn that on yourself and honor your own life that you were given. Here's the question, What have I come here to do with my life? That's the question that begins every single quest. What have I come here to do with my life? There's no one who hasn't had that question come to them. That's the call. Now, you can choose to ignore that question or you can pursue it. And the pursuit is the beginning of the journey.

Elizabeth Gilbert in Oprah's The Path Made Clear

What's your next step in going after all that you were created to do with your life?

(And who won't get the benefit if you don't go after it?)

Hop into the email group and send me your thoughts and questions. I’d love to hear them!