Chip Away at Your Comfort Zones
You might think I'm a brave person. Plenty of people tell me that I am. But you might be surprised if you knew how many comfort zones I still live in.
I might have done plenty of comfort-zone-busting things like move across the globe with a baby, criss-cross the US with my young kids, and live in a camper in 48 different states for the past seven years, but I don't like living without electricity and running water for even a little while.
I also don't like the dark.
And I don't like traveling without my husband.
Recently, all of these comfort zones became very real to me as I caught myself talking about wanting to go backpacking with my kids and experienced a major case of deja vu. Suddenly, as I stood there sharing my intense desire and listing all of the reasons why it might not work, it dawned on me that I had been making those same excuses since 2017.
And then I saw her.
A young lady drove into our campground and parked on the site next to our Airstream and spent the next week tent camping right by herself. She made her own fires, cooked her own food, and she looked like she was having the time of her life right by herself. And when we talked to her, she told us that she's been coming for a week to tent camp alone for the past five years. She loves it, and she looks forward to it every year.
And I realized I know lots of ladies who do this, like my friend Ruthie, and another friend Michele.
My first thought was, "I could never do that."
But then, I started wondering if I could and perhaps even should.
My boys love going to day camp for a couple of weeks in the summer here in Maine. During a typical summer, they get to choose which type of camp they want to attend, and at least one of them always chooses the Junior Maine Guide wilderness survival week. But this is not a typical summer, so their summer camp is closed, and they've been aching for a wilderness experience.
Truthfully, I've been aching for a wilderness experience too. The days have dragged on a bit this summer, and I've found myself getting into ruts I don't particularly like. I've even felt myself sleepwalking as a wife and mama a time or two and wishing things could be different but not being able to find the energy to change them.
So, I made a decision.
We researched wilderness camping at Baxter State Park just a few hours away, and I booked a couple of nights for myself and the boys and a friend. Over the next couple of weeks, we spent a small fortune on camping supplies and took time together to plan the trip and research the area, and I found myself waking up to a new level of togetherness with them.
Then we did it.
We took off into the wilderness on Monday morning and emerged on Wednesday dirty, unshowered, hungry, tired, and exhilarated. We hiked, canoed, swam, and played. We ate dehydrated meals, instant grits, and granola bars. We made fires, slept on the ground, and navigated the dark like champs.
It was amazing - an experience together we'll never forget - and all the boys want to know is when we can do it again.
I have to tell you, though, it wasn't comfortable. Vault toilets are not in my comfort zone. Going without a shower for 72 hours probably will never be. And being in charge of three teenagers in the middle of the woods without my husband around isn't something I feel incredibly comfortable about either.
But we did it, and we had a blast. (We even saw a moose swimming in the lake while we were there!)
And I learned something new about family togetherness.
I learned that we can experience loads of family togetherness right where it's comfy, but sometimes, if we want a new level of family togetherness, we've got to start chipping away at our comfort zones.
I've said this before, but it bears repeating here: Togetherness is about so much more than just being in the same room with someone. It's about being present, making a connection, and building a relationship. And that doesn't happen by accident.
It can happen though, especially when we make room for it.
We knew we were making room for more togetherness in 2013 when we moved our family into a camper, determined to travel full-time and be together more. It was uncomfortable and even hard a lot of the time, but it's been completely worth it.
We felt like we were making room for more togetherness last year when we decided to live on a boat for the winter, and even though it didn't work out, we're better, closer, and stronger for the experience.
As I write this, my family is being pulled out of another one of our comfort zones in favor of a new family adventure. We love mild winters and prefer to spend the winter months closer to the equator most years for a second summer. But this winter, we've decided that traveling really isn't best, so we finally caved in to our kids' request for a snowy winter by renting a house in Maine for the winter months.
We're going to be cold. It's going to be dark. And we're going to have to buy a whole new wardrobe.
I'm also stepping out of my comfort zone with homeschooling too. I'd much rather keep puttering along with the resources I know and love, but my boys want to study physics and they're passionate about a few other things I know nothing about too. So I've got to step out and chip away at that comfort zone too.
We know we're stepping way out of our comfort zone, but we think it'll be so good for us in so many ways.
I know I'm not alone. I see so many other parents stepping out of their comfort zones right now and deciding to take up a new hobby with their kids, foster or adopt a child, homeschool, work from home, travel more, and do all sorts of things they never thought they could. I see families starting their own businesses, homesteading, leaving the place they've lived their whole life, and learning how to do all sorts of new things.
I see other families leaving their comfort zones all the time, and it makes my heart soar.
Since I keep finding myself chipping away at my own comfort zones - putting a book out into the world, leaving jobs, learning new skills, doing new things (wilderness living and such), and living in new places, I thought I might share a few ways that make it easier for me.
Here are 5 ways we can easily chip away at our comfort zones:
#1 - Schedule it before you lose your courage.
If this is something you've been wanting to do for years but have lost your courage every time you made a plan, go ahead and schedule it right now before you lose your courage again. There's something about having it on the calendar that makes it more likely to happen, so get it on your calendar. Make the reservation. Book the appointment. Write it in pen and move everything else around it.
#2 - Get to know others who are doing it.
Follow them on Instagram. Go through their photos. Read about their struggles and their victories. Reach out to them and start a conversation. See how they did it.
#3 - Research your heart out.
Check out books from the library on the topic. Scour the internet. Buy books and magazines and underline the good parts. Make notes. Write about your own feelings. See what's out there and what you come up with. Don't guess - know. (I promise you'll sleep better at night when you do.)
#4 - Be a relentless question-asker.
Ask anyone you know who has experience in the area to tell you their story. When you come across something in the research that doesn't make sense to you, call someone who knows and ask them to walk you through it. When you find a brick wall, ask someone how they climbed over it. When you stumble, reach out and ask how others fell and got back up again.
#5 - Don't overthink it.
At some point, you just have to go for it, take the leap and just do the thing. No matter how much research you do or how many questions you ask, at some point, you'll realize that you just won't know if it's for you until you do it. So do it. If you misstep, step back and try again. If you find out it's not for you, so what? Try something different and find joy in the journey.
We don't really have to step out of our comfort zones though, do we?
That's the good and the bad of it, isn't it?
My family would have been just fine this week going through our same routine, taking showers at our regular times, and not living without electricity or running water to experience the wilderness in a new way. We probably would have been just fine last winter without taking that big risk we took on a family dream and learning to sail. We would probably be fine this winter going south and living in a warmer climate like we normally do too. And maybe we would have been fine had we never taken the leap into full-time travel and homeschool/roadschool back in 2013. But we would have missed quite the adventure together.
I'm so glad I'm chipping away at my comfort zones, and I bet you are too.
We have husbands who see their wives doing amazing things.
We have kids who see their parents coming alive.
We have other mamas who now know they can do amazing things because they saw us doing them first.
And we have a family togetherness that's getting deeper and deeper every single day, built on memories we never would have had in our comfort zones.
And that's something we can feel good about.