Too Much Togetherness?
With more families learning at home than ever before, the questions keep coming:
Are we all having a little too much togetherness these days?
Is it really okay to teach our kids at home?
How do we even know if we're doing it right?
And how do we get them to be quiet when we have to work?
So, naturally, I've put together a few things to encourage families with kids learning at home right now:
#1 - My own family's story filled with links to resources (below).
#2 - A Facebook live interview with Georgia College & State University alum parents. Here's the link to the video playback.
#3 - A podcast with homeschool.com's Jamie Gaddy. Here's the link to the podcast.
I’ve been homeschooling by choice since 2009 and working a remote job full-time year-round too, so I suppose I'm a likely candidate to be giving the talk. I've also lived in a 200 square-foot Airstream home with my family of four since 2013, traveling to 48 of the 50 United States with them (all while working remotely full-time) since then too, so hopefully I have some wisdom to share with the group about juggling lots of people in one space and balancing work, school, and play.
But here's the thing: I don't think we could ever have too much family togetherness.
(I'm kind of a family togetherness junkie, and I hope it's a habit I never ever give up - even when I'm an old grandma flinging fingerpaints all over the place on the front porch with my grandchildren.)
I do, however, think that sometimes we have to redefine togetherness to make it work for our families, and I can share a few stories about that.
Sometimes, we have to turn stuck at home into FUN at home, figure out what's right for our own families, and take the leap to go after it.
And that's not always easy, especially when it comes to homeschooling.
So, I put together a few thoughts from my experience helping my kids learn at home, hybrid-schooling, and homeschooling, and a few tips to keep in mind when trying any or all of them.
Some of us are trying to have public school at home right now, while others are diving headlong into homeschooling, unschooling, deschooling, and learning from home with a more desire-led approach. Honestly, I've tried almost every single thing (here's a list of posts I did about each one.
In the early years, I tried to have “school at home” with my 4-year-old. This continued for quite a while and we had some great success. When we started traveling full-time with a 3rd grader and Kindergartener, though, I knew something had to change, so we tried a more hands-on, experience-based approach. When my oldest entered middle school and was officially bored with everything I knew how to teach, I knew we had to change again, and now that he's in high school, we're switching things a little more one more time and focusing on desire-led and literature-based strategies. (And I'm still writing about it - I don't want to miss a thing!)
With over 11 years of homeschooling experience, here are the priorities I always come back to:
#1 – Relationship over academics (every single time)
My rule of thumb is that if someone is crying over a subject or hating life because they can’t do something, we need to change our approach or switch up the curriculum – not keep trying to change the kid to make it work. Kids need to know their parents are on their side. They need to see us believing in them. That shouldn’t fly out the window because we want to make a teacher or curriculum author happy. We can even be the teacher and the curriculum author ourselves if we need to do that to preserve our relationship with our kid. Thankfully, there are so many approaches and curriculums out there that we don't have to worry about sticking with something that's not working, and we can even put down the work and learn in different ways when we need to as well. Love and compassion beat a completed math worksheet every single time.
To make this easier, we will almost certainly have to make sacrifices, and some of those might be difficult. Getting up early, planning ahead to find our flow, and making wise decisions in our personal lives (finding good friends that make us better and letting the others go, prioritizing self-care and personal development, getting organized, and staying committed to our families and our values) comes at a price, but it's so worth it.
#2 – Reading over everything else
Research has shown over and over again that kids who read more (and are read to more - even as they grow older) learn better and have more success in college and into adulthood too. So, having a literature-based learning plan is paramount for my family. Workbooks should be put on the shelf in favor of reading nine times out of ten, and if anything has to be chucked out the door in favor of time or emotional health, it should most certainly be anything other than reading. (Especially since the time we spend reading together is often our family's favorite part of homeschool, and we even do it for fun on the weekends too.) For more about this, check out Sarah Mackenzie's The Read-Aloud Family. Or see what this looks like in my family here.
Set your schedule. Do your best. And when something has to be shaved off or thrown out the window, don't let it be reading (especially not the fun reading).
#3 – Curiosity over standards
Most of us would agree that our goal is to raise lifelong learners – kids who become adults who still get excited about learning new things. For my family, this means our homeschool doesn’t fit into any boxes. We design our own curriculum and implement it the way that fuels our passion for learning. That probably sounds overwhelming for any of you who are new to homeschool (and it would have overwhelmed me too when I started over a decade ago), but it's turned our school days into the most rewarding days we have as a family. We hike mountains, examine trees, look for wildlife, and read novels nonstop at our house. We also watch documentaries, read big books, ask big questions, and research big answers.
Twelve years into homeschooling, the box has lost its sides for us. And while that does seem weird to most people (and does make it a little more difficult for me to gather my high schooler’s transcript to get him ready for college entry), my heart does a big leap every time I see my boys voluntarily check out college textbooks from the library because they’re curious about something or read thousands of pages in a book series during their free time because it’s a story they can’t put down. I know how exciting it feels to be a voracious learner in my 20’s and 30’s, and I want that for my kids. So, we keep curiosity our main thing.
#4 – Keep your big picture in mind.
At the end of the day, I don’t think any parent would want to raise a successful human who hates them or have a child who is a whiz at math but can’t hold a conversation with anyone. At the same time, we all want to know our kids are getting exactly what they need and that we aren’t holding them back in any way. Whatever your big picture is, make sure you don't lose sight of it when everything else tries to crowd in. My guess is your big picture isn't making your mother-in-law or some random school administrator happy, but it's so easy to act like that's our main thing if we aren't careful. It helps to set intentions and keep them where you can see them often. (Here's an example of mine from 2019-2020.)
#5 – If all else fails, pull out a board game or put on Audible.
It’s amazing what kids can learn through board games, and playing together can do wonders for family togetherness. The same is true for listening to really good books on Audible. These two tools have been tremendous for my little homeschool. At this point, I'm pretty sure we couldn't homeschool without them. (Here's where I learned about gameschooling, and here's where I'm still learning the magic of reading aloud (and yes, audiobooks count! If you don't believe me, you can ask the experts and see this list of favorites from my boys).
#6 – Work/life balance is a myth. Stop trying to balance it and just do it.
I have homeschooled and held a full-time remote job for years. I even got my MPA during that time too. Recently I made the decision to move to a contracted position so that I could write books, adding another job to the mix, and I can tell you that working from home and homeschooling is possible. There’s one little secret, though: it takes time – lots and lots of time.
It's completely worth the time, but you need to know that up front. To make the time, I’ve been getting up at 5am and only hanging out socially a couple of times a month for years now to make it happen. It’s hard, but it works, and it helps my family thrive. Thankfully, this season won't last forever, but while we're here, we can know the investment is worth it.
Embrace the fact that some days you'll be a great mom and other days you'll be a great employee. Sometimes you'll be great in the kitchen and other times you'll be a master math helper. But rarely will all of that happen on the same day. Do your best, tweak along the way, and when you fumble, start over again.
If I can do it, you TOTALLY can! So, keep going!
#7 – Simplify.
If I could give parents one piece of advice from my experience in parenting and homeschooling, it is that things get far too heavy, complicated, and stressful when we refuse to take the time to simplify. If you struggle in this area, the book Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne might be just what you're looking for. (I even shamelessly gushed about it recently!)
The truth is that you can find LOADS of information, classes to buy, and advice on the internet right now that will make you feel inadequate, unprepared, and completely wrong for helping your kids learn.
I find it every day when I’m not even looking for it, and it makes me feel like a failure even though I’ve been homeschooling for 12 years now and have two very bright, high-performing kiddos.
My advice is: Don’t look at that stuff for long. Grab the idea you need from it, delete the email, kill the web page, and move along. Find resources and mentors that encourage and equip you and help your specific kids, and leave the rest behind.
Embrace simplicity as an island of consistency and security for your kids. Cut out what you don't need and cling to the rest. And if you aren't sure, get some help.
We've got this.
I truly believe we are NOT having too much togetherness because of COVID – not even if all of the schools, libraries, and museums close again and we’re all stuck at home for a while.
But we all need help sometimes to make our family feel like togetherness is a good thing, and that's okay.
That's why we're all in this together.
As I've heard from parents and tried to respond to questions, I've compiled a list of frequently asked questions. I hope this helps calm and equip you when the nervous moments come.
FAQ:
1. How can we prepare children for learning from home?
First, I’d like to clarify that doing public school at home is way different from what most homeschoolers do. I’m not worried about the terms, but I do think it’s helpful to realize that we’re all pandemic-schooling right now. This isn’t what homeschooling really is for any of us.
I don’t envy you guys who are trying to help your kids learn at home with Zoom classes – I know that wouldn’t work well for my own kids and it must be challenging for kids who love learning in person with their teachers and friends.
So, I think the best way to transition back to online learning is to give yourself and your kiddos some grace. Take plenty of breaks, and let them know that learning and education are more than just books and tests. Help them get excited about learning and let them know you love them and you're here for them, learning right alongside them.
Also know that if your kids aren’t learning anything in the Zoom class environment, making the switch to homeschool could be an option for you. Check out your state's homeschool requirements and find a friend to help you figure it out. Because we homeschool, we're able to study what our kids are passionate about, we follow our own schedule for learning objectives, and that’s only because we’re not beholden to the public school system. If you have an out-of-the-box kid or two, this might be a good option for you. (Here's what our homeschool plan looks like for 2020-2021 if you want a tangible example.)
2. How can we create a routine as we transition to different modes of learning?
Finding a flow is so important for family life no matter what's going on in the world. To help my family, I like to set expectations during certain periods of our day broken up by mealtimes, and let the kids know they can only use their tech outside of those times or in a specific window. I generally like to be flexible, but my kids know that our day generally goes from breakfast with audiobooks to nature walks, math and reading to lunch and outdoor play and then to the rest of our subjects and individual work before they're allowed to have screentime just before dinner or just after dinner.
In the transition moments, it also helps to give them choices – What do you want to do right now - read or draw? Listen to an audiobook or do some writing? And if you have little ones, setting up baskets with supplies and books for different times of the day can be a huge sanity-saver!
3. How can I encourage a socially motivated child?
I have one extremely socially motivated child, and it can be challenging to fill his cup when he's not able to be with friends for long periods of time. If you have a socially motivated kid learning at home too, I think it's important to always make sure he/she always has enough attention from parents and siblings, plenty of “discussion” and reading aloud, and some time to talk with friends online after school (if appropriate). I also find that music, documentaries, and certain types of art projects motivate these kiddos and get that part of their brains working too, and for my extrovert, I know I have to be there for him. My guess is you do too. As parents, we have to make ourselves available to chat, to listen, to watch movies with them. We have to be there to hang out, encourage, and pal around too. I hope we never forget the social gold that exists within our own homes.
4. How can you succeed in homeschooling more than one?
I’ve seen so many families homeschool a whole house full of kids at the same time – again, this is homeschooling (not public school at home), so it’s different, but with my two (currently grades 7 and 10), we’ve always leaned heavily on discussion and audiobooks that allows us study/learn the same concepts even if we're on different levels, and then we break up the individual work (math, writing, etc.) more based on grade level.
For example, last year, we studied Florida history and treasure hunters in connection with our marine biology interest, and I had them work together to create dolphin migration maps as well as shipwreck maps based on the books we were reading and their individual research. But I asked my 9th grader to write research papers at a high school level while only requiring my 6th grader to write one research paper and several paragraphs at more of a middle school level. We discussed all of the concepts together, but the work they actually created was different.
5. How much learning is “enough” each day- i.e, 3 hours? 1 hour? 5 hours?
Georgia’s homeschool law requires 4 hours of instruction for 180 days for the year. That doesn’t apply for those of you trying to do public school at home, but I think it’s important to know as a gauge of expectation. How we handle this is to schedule pockets of learning each day.
Normally we surpass that 4-hour mark by leaps and bounds, but on busy or tired days, we reach our brain limits after a couple of hours of work and they read for a while, then we watch a documentary on a topic we’re studying. The actual hours spent isn't something I measure meticulously, so we do lots of summer learning during our official break days to make up for any time we lost (and to keep summer slide from happening).
As a rule of thumb, I like for my kids to be engaged in learning for at least 4 hours per day, to have at least 1-2 outdoor or physical activity per day, and to spend a few hours reading alone or creating something (art, music, cooking, random science explorations) before they even think about their screens. But I find this is different for every family. My advice would be to try a few different ways and see what works best for yours.
6. Besides screentime, how can parents focus on work?
Over the years, I've tried almost everything to help my kids stay busy and quiet while I need to work. Here's what works for me:
#1 - Get your kids busy doing something they’re passionate about (art, reading, writing, architecture, etc.)
#2 - Get outside early with them so that they burn off energy. Then do work while they do something quietly. Then get them back outside while you work.
#3 - Take your computer outside and work while they run around. Go to a park if you have to.
#4 - Get up super early every day. I’ve been working from home for 12 years while homeschooling, so I know this can be difficult, but there really is no substitute. MY #1 WAY TO GET LOADS DONE AT WORK IS TO WORK BEFORE THEY WAKE UP EVERY MORNING. I’ve been getting up at 4:30 or 5am every morning for years, and it’s the only way I know how to function now. (It also requires going to bed super early each night, but it’s worth it.)
7. What are the best resources for teaching kids at home?
I have so many favorite resources for learning at home. You can find the links in “How to Homeschool, Roadschool, or Oceanschool.”
And if you want to see a detailed list of resources we've used each year in our homeschool, take a peek here. (Although there are a few hundred books we've read that haven't made these lists yet - more coming soon!)
I hope this helps a little and lets you know you're not alone.
Let's be each other's cheerleaders. We've got this! Even on our worst days, we can find a way. Never forget that.
Want the video & audio?
Listen/watch by selecting the image below.
Have more questions or want to chat?
Check out these posts for more info:
The 3-Step Strategy for Successfully Homeschooling Any Subject
A Day in the Life: Desire-Led Worldschooling with 12 and 14-year-old boys (while working from home)
Or, hop into our email group and send me a message.
I'd love to talk homeschooling with you!