Know When You Need to Be Alone
Some weeks are tough, and this week has been a tough one for me. Every single day seemed to be filled with more to-do's than I could possibly do, the kids needed extra attention, my phone rang constantly, and my email inbox looked like the next set of Hoarders. The last thing I felt like I had time for was self-care, but I felt myself spiraling, and digging deeper or giving more just wasn't an option.
Does this ever happen to you? Do you ever feel like you're sitting on empty and there's no gas station in sight?
When this happens, I know I need to be alone for at least a few minutes and recharge. But so many times, everything else gets in the way, and I just keep going until the overwhelm sets in (and the headaches too).
I know I need a course correction when my 13-year-old comes over and gently says, "Mama, how about you take a break right now? I really think you need one." (which is exactly what happened yesterday)
The truth was I couldn't take a break at that very moment, but I did start looking for a small window - and I found one.
Time alone can't always happen, but when we're intentional and we understand that we need it, we can normally find it.
Here are my favorite ways to find time alone when I need to:
Grab the earbuds and go for a walk.
Set a timer for 30 minutes and call a house-wide "quiet time".
Take a book outside and read under a tree.
Hang up a hammock and pretend to nap.
Stand outside directly in a sunbeam for 10 minutes.
Go on a solo hike and put my phone on silent.
Get up early and go to a coffee shop to write.
When I'm intentional about carving out time for myself to be alone, I can tell a difference in the way I parent, the way I work, and the way I enjoy my family. (I can also tell that they enjoy me more too.)
But so often that ugly question takes over:
Is making time to be alone really that important? Shouldn't I be doing something else?
And here's the answer I come back to again and again -
If being alone for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 30 minutes, 60 minutes, etc. makes you a better version of yourself, if it recharges you and helps you gather strength, if it makes you feel healthier, it if brings ideas and anticipation for the next time you get to spend with your family, then making time to be alone is the best thing you can do for yourself and your family.
Admittedly, my kids are older now, so it's a lot easier than it used to be to carve out some time for myself. Moms of little ones certainly can't just abandon ship to take a bubble bath or leave the little ones unattended, but I've seen my friends in this season right now rocking some creative solutions like asking family members to cover one meal per week, starting the tradition of "Daddy Day" every other Saturday, or hiring a babysitter for just 2 hours to make solo grocery store runs.
In fact, I believe that getting alone every once in a while (and actually missing your kids) can be one of the biggest ways to build a strong family culture of togetherness ~ You just can't force these things.
So, this weekend you will probably find me in a hammock reading a book or heading out for a solo hike on one of my favorite mountains in Maine. I also have quite a few podcasts piled up in my queue, so I've got my eye on a few good walking trails!
What do you do when you need to be alone?
Hop into the email group and share - I'd love to hear about it!