Busting That Nasty Myth Called Balance
I really don’t want to be the mom behind the computer screen, and yet, because I work from home while homeschooling and am with my kiddos pretty much my entire workweek, that is exactly what I am so much of the time.
I do everything I can to give my kids the attention they deserve (and the attention their education deserves) – I get up and start working around 5 am every morning, I schedule conference calls during their individual schoolwork periods, and when that still isn’t enough, I close my laptop and finish my workday after they’ve gone to sleep.
And still, so much of the time, I am behind my computer screen, and I worry that when they grow up, they’ll only remember me with something blocking my face and my eyes focused on everything else but them.
On a recent podcast interview with Kara Anderson from the Homeschool Sisters, we talked about the myth called balance and how being a working mom of any type – even a homeschooling mom – brings up all kinds of unnecessary mom-guilt when really it shouldn’t. It is a great thing for our kids to see us working and going back to college and writing and investing in the lives of others.
But when we believe the lie that every single day should look the same and we should balance our hours among everything that’s important to us every single day, we might start to feel like we’re failing.
Weare not failing. We are just doing better in some areas than others each day, and that changes from day to day.
As my wise podcasting friend Kara said, some days we are great employees, some days we are great educators, some days we are great home cooks, and most days we are a little bit of each.
Some days we are great at cooking healthy, homemade meals for our families, and that is our priority. Other days we are rocking the most amazing homeschool math session that ever existed. And other days we’re swamped with a big work project and our kids end up watching documentaries and eating frozen pizza.
I’m here to tell you that it’s okay and it’s actually the way life is supposed to be when all of the separate parts of our lives lose their boundaries.
Instead of a clearly defined job, home, family, faith, and social scene, we’re left with one big, messy life full of all of the parts ebbing and flowing and working themselves into a beautiful masterpiece.
And that’s the way it should be.
Balance is a big, nasty myth.
The fear of putting one more thing on your plate and being overloaded is a myth. What’strue is that we take on certain things in certain seasons of life – some seasons have more things and others have less.
But no matter what season of life you’re in, there is one thing that absolutely can bring family back into focus and debunk that myth called balance:
play
When I'm putting my kids to bed and realize that I haven’t genuinely connected with them in the past day or two, instead of becoming hopeless or kicking myself into mom-guilt, I squeeze them tight and make a plan for playing together the very next day.
This was pretty easy when they were small, although quite physically demanding if I'm remembering correctly. I would chase them around the house, play hide and seek with them in the backyard, and bring out the playdoh for a fake feast or to build a masterpiece.
But as my kids have gotten older and started desiring their own space, playing together looks a bit different. They love to play video games, but I’m not a fan, so I let them bond with their dad in that way.
Instead, we have built quite a collection of board games, card games, and made-up games, and we make a habit of pulling those out at least once or twice every week –sometimes more if we don’t have good weather if someone need more togetherness, or if we’re really into a new game.
And since I love being outside (which really isn’t conducive to board games and card games all too often), I keep a frisbee or small ball handy to toss around, we often have outdoor Lego days, and we make space on our picnic table for messy art projects and science experiments too.
So, the next time you feel the mom-guilt coming on because you’re not balancing everything just right every single day…
Play with your kids, no matter how old they are.
Here are a few ways we like to make that happen in our house. Hopefully, they’ll work for you too.
Take advantage of small chunks of time.
Use those 5 or 10-minute time slots before supper is ready or while the teapot is boiling to toss a ball or play a round of Rummikub, I spy, or 21.
Make a plan.
Write down a list of things you like to play together and post it on the fridge or inside the pantry door. The next time you’re searching for an idea, you’ll be so glad you already have a list of go-to’s.
Surprise them with something new.
Come home from running errands with a new game, a ball, or a deck of cards. Order a project box online and dig into it when it comes in the mail.
Capitalize on waiting.
Pullout a quick game of Bananagrams or Yahtzee is when you’re waiting at a restaurant or doctor’s office. Make up your own game if you find yourselves low on supplies.
Let them be little.
Sit back and watch how they like to have fun with their friends at a playground. Stay engaged and ready so that you’re ready should they invite you to play along or fill some role in their make-believe.
Say something funny.
Bring up a quote from a book or movie you know they like at just the right time so that everyone giggles.
Dance in the kitchen.
Do a weird move and threaten to show it to all their friends if they don’t come dance with you right this moment.
Relax.
Know that you don’t have to entertain your child every waking moment of every day. It’s good for kids to be bored sometimes and find their own fun, and that makes the times when you’re playing with them that much sweeter.
What are your go-to ways for busting the myth that tries to tell you to get it all together and balance everything just right every day?
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