What about foster families?

Foster-Families.png

I'm convinced all parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends who feel like family (framily), and extended family who help the little people in their world with their homework, listen to them, love on them, and respect and honor them in all sorts of ways, are the very best kind of superheroes. I don't think I'll ever be able to celebrate parents (and kids) enough. But there's a particular kind of parent that may not get enough recognition for their superhero status - foster parents.

Foster parents make room in their hearts, homes, and families for kids who need them - and they often think their foster kids deserve superhero status for what they've been through.

I have a friend who's a foster mama, so I reached out to her and hit record on our conversation about foster families and family togetherness. (you can listen right here)

It's one I'll never forget.

Here's what my foster mama friend taught me about family togetherness:

I've always known that family togetherness is available for every family who wants it, but something about Regina's story made me even more convinced. She taught me so much about how sweet family togetherness can be for all kinds of families.

#1 - The importance of knowing when it's time to step into something new.

In our podcast conversation, Regina talks about how she knew for years that she wanted to be a foster mom, but when the time came, she still had jitters. It was a deep knowing that helped her step forward and take the big step into fostering last year - the same kind of knowing we have when we know it's time to step into our next season of life or to go after more adventure with our families or to start building deeper relationships. I hope we can pass this knowing on to our kids.

#2 - The importance of knowing what's right for your family.

The more moms I talk to, the more I realize that every family is different and we all have to know what's right for our own family without comparing that to any other. I love how my friend knew foster care was right for her and her husband and surrounded herself with friends who could help her on that path (and help push her forward a bit when she needed a nudge).

Don't keep dreams to yourself. If you keep them to yourself, it's a whole lot easier to hide away and not step out in faith.

Regina Lyons (foster mama)

#3 - We can all make space for family fun. (It doesn't have to be drudgery.)

If there's anything 2020 has left us with, it's the knowledge that staying home with our families can be fun if we look for ways to make it happen. I've heard of families taking up all kinds of crazy new hobbies thanks to the extra time at home given to them by the pandemic, and Regina's family is no different. She encouraged me to open my mind to more fun things I can do with my kids at home - like building a chicken coop and raising chickens, organizing intentional movie nights, and setting aside screen-free hours for chatting right before bed.

#4 - Building bonds with our kids comes when we really get to know them.

When Regina shared what a gift it was for her to get to know her foster children, to learn where they've been, to ask them about their hopes and dreams and life goals, it made me realize that, so many times, all of us parents need to do the same thing.

Sharing stories with each other (talking AND listening) is powerful for building deep relationships. Letting kids know that you believe in their hopes and dreams and you also have your own hopes and dreams and goals, too, is a way to build deeper bonds.

Letting our kids know about some of the mistakes we've made can also be a great way to get to know each other, too.

#5 - Staying honest is critical.

Trying to go through every day ignoring the fact that we've made mistakes and need to apologize is fruitless. Sometimes we get angry for no reason at all and can't talk or think clearly. Sometimes we raise our voices when someone spills milk on the rug or when the dog messes up the carpet. Sometimes we forget the spaghetti sauce and end up having buttered noodles for dinner. It's only through admitting we make mistakes that our kids see our humanity and get to notice us showing up and loving them even when things aren't perfect.

#6 - Making time for self-care can't be ignored.

Knowing what fills your tank and doing it is something that makes us better parents, better friends, better wives, better humans. It's critical for every parent - especially mamas who find themselves doing too much too often and not letting the people who love her offer any help.

Here are a few ways Regina and I take care of ourselves:

#7 - Letting kids know you choose them leaves a lasting impression.

Sometimes all it takes is a big hug and the words, "I love you" or "I love being your mama" or "I really like hanging out with you" to let our kids know we're really glad they're in our lives.

Other times, it might take something a little deeper - like writing a letter telling them how being their parent has changed you, or giving them a card telling them that you would choose them again in a heartbeat if you had the chance, or simply saying, "I couldn't imagine my life without you in it."

People tell me all the time, 'Those girls are so blessed to have you.' And that's so nice, but I honestly say, 'We're so blessed to have them. They've come into our lives and added so much value and so much love.

Regina Lyons (foster mom)

The message "I choose you" is powerful. It sticks with a child all their days.

And that's something all of us parents can give.

Do you have a heart for foster kids and foster families in your community?

Here's how you can help:

And hey -

If you want to make a big change in your life or family, I would love to encourage you.

Get the details here.

What about you?

What family togetherness tips, tricks, and treats have you learned from foster and adoptive families?

Hop into the email group and join the discussion.

Tips, TogethernessCeleste Orrfamily togetherness, foster care, foster families3 Comments