How to Admit You're Still Learning as a Mom

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A few months ago, I was called out in a very public way for my ignorance about systemic racism. It was a painful experience that, I'm sad to say, led me to bring confusion, hurt, and anger home to my family.

We tend to talk about everything in our house - sometimes more than we should - and this was no exception. I was hurt, I had big questions, and I felt like I would never be able to get over myself long enough to be a part of the solution to what's going on in America right now - to what's been going on for hundreds of years.

My kids saw me hurting and wanted to help, but none of us had the answers.

Pretty quickly, more questions than answers started pouring in. We heard about something called the coronavirus and watched it turn into the COVID-19 pandemic. We heard families talk about something we love (homeschooling) like it was a dirty word and saw an article from Harvard saying it was risky and should be banned. And we kept talking about human trafficking - an issue I've been researching for years and trying to fight in my own small way.

At some point, I realized that our conversation needed to shift. I woke up to the fact that my own confusion and pain were affecting my family in ways I hadn't intended. Family togetherness can suffer when so many heavy questions hang in the air, but it can also suffer when we ignore issues and go about our business only concerned with ourselves, so I knew I had to be careful.

The only thing I could do was admit that I'm still learning.

And then, I had to let my family see me learn.

I read articles, listened to podcasts, and asked big questions.

I changed my narrative, started speaking with hope instead of pain, and decided we needed to bring more perspectives, more information, and more simplicity and peace into our home.

I wrote about it, started recognizing my blind spots and pointing them out to my family, but I also let us all off the hook to relax and learn slowly too.

We did that with the tools we always use when we need to learn something new - good books, trusted articles and podcasts, and lots of time spent thinking and talking in nature while hiking, kayaking, paddleboarding, and making new friends. And we're still doing it. (I have a feeling we'll be on this learning journey for a while.)

Thankfully, as I write this, it's summer, so we have heaps of time and space to read good books, run around outside, find some natural beauty in the breathtaking views of Acadia, and soak in the kind of peace we're looking for.

But I can feel the questions still hanging there, even if my kids aren't asking them constantly:

  • When will everything go back to normal?

  • How dangerous is this pandemic?

  • Why do people keep using the word racist?

  • Where will the next murder, protest, or riot be?

  • Is it still okay to be a homeschooler?

  • How can we help this hurting world?

So much inside of me wants to DO something - anything - but I'm learning that's part of the problem, too - too much doing and not enough listening.

So I've decided to listen, to learn, to engage in small conversations, and to soak in everything I can about becoming an anti-racist, about bridging the gap between homeschool and public school education, and about how to do our part to end the COVID pandemic, human trafficking, and other threats to people in our world.

It doesn't seem like much, but if we all listen and learn a little more, I know it will make a huge difference.

When we show our kids that we're still learning, especially when it comes to big questions, it lets them know that we're here for them and they can keep learning too.

I don't know of any better way to keep family togetherness going these days.

It might sound like this is past tense for me, but to be honest, I'm still living it. Most days, I still wake up feeling like everything is too heavy. Apple News pops onto my computer screen multiple times a day with headlines about increased COVID cases, protests, and riots, as well as hurricanes, earthquakes, and other natural disasters, and I feel overwhelmed. I try to stay away from too much news, but it follows me, even in conversations with my friends. But I'm determined to keep learning, even when it feels too hard.

If you're determined to keep learning too, I would love to swap resource lists with you.

Here are a few resources I've found helpful:

What about you?

What resources are you finding to help you keep learning right now?

Hop in the email group to join the discussion or share this with a friend who might lend a resource too.

Courage, TipsCeleste Orrlifelong learner4 Comments