Make Good Mama Friends

I recently realized there was something holding me back from being the mama I really wanted to be - my friendships.

It wasn't that I had bad ones by any means. (I love my friends, and they've meant so much to me over the years.) It was just that I hadn't been intentional about my friendships in a very long time, so I was suffering and so were they. I was in a friend rut.

• Too spent, distracted, and disillusioned to give

• Too guarded to let them give to me

• Too busy to let anyone new into my life

I would catch myself complaining about how I needed new friends and how I was being a crappy friend to people I cared about, and I knew it was affecting my quality of life and my family.

Anytime an area of life is off, the ripple effect eventually reaches our families.

I was tired of my kids hearing me complain about it, tired of acting like a drama queen. I had to do something about it. So I made a plan.

#1 - Make new friends.

I knew I could be a better friend if I had more to give, and I'd only have more to give if I expanded my life. So, I went to a quiet place with a brand new journal and wrote down the names of new mamas I'd just met who might be my friend if I let them in - mamas who were emailing me, sending me Instagram messages, and chatting with me online. I also made a list of people I admired - writers, thought leaders, mamas sharing their lives - and I jumped into a few new mama forums. I made myself stop believing I was incapable of making new friends (where does that belief come from anyway?) and started looking for open doors for conversation, got interested in their lives, and before I knew it, I had a handful of new friends adding so much to my life.

#2 - Release some old friends.

I wanted to feel settled about my old friendships. I wanted to know I was giving life, helping them, letting them help me, inspiring them, encouraging them, and being someone they could count on. But I had to be honest and realize that in some cases, my friends and I were growing in different directions, in different seasons of life, and even becoming different people than we once had been. I had to let them be who they were meant to be, even if it meant I wasn't a part of that picture in the way I had been in the past. I'm glad friendship isn't an all or nothing kind of thing, but it's still hard to move from the inner circle to the outer circle and back again with each other when we need to. I had to let it be hard.

#3 - Step up for new and old friends.

Getting out of a rut means staying out, and that takes work. So I knew I had to rearrange some things in my life and in my daily schedule to be a good friend to all of the ladies in my friend circles. I read a good book about daily goals and started checking in with myself every week to make sure I was making time to be a good friend - to give and receive, to have fun, to grow with other mamas in a similar season as me.

Good mama friends inspire, encourage, love, and let go when they need to. They help us be the wife and mama we want to be somehow. They help us soar. That's the kind of mama friend I want to be, so I'm stepping up my game.

And here's what's happening - I'm making new friends, making peace with old ones, and learning so much in the process.

And my husband and kids are seeing it all unfold.

They watch me smile when a new friend texts to say she's just finished a book series and can't wait to chat with me about it.

They celebrate with me when I get off the phone with a friend who's publishing a book right now and coaching me through the edits on my own book project.

They hear me talking to my new book club friends and a new writer friend, making all kinds of creative magic happen together.

They see me taking homeschooling/motherhood classes online at night while I wash dishes and then typing back and forth with mamas in the forum.

They get excited with me when a friend comes to visit (or moves into our campground!!).

And they get to enjoy a mama who's feeling more alive every day.

They also don't hear me complaining about being a bad friend or not having other mama friends anymore.

I'm no friend expert and I've blown it plenty of times, but I do know that making good mama friends is good for family togetherness. (It's also good for our mama souls.)

This weekend, I hope you find yourself on a back porch somewhere chatting with a friend who inspires you and who you know you're inspiring too. And if you're looking for a few extra ways to build togetherness with your family, I hope you'll enjoy our new article from a few of my mama friends about what's working in their families right now.

What about you? How do you make and keep good Mama friends?

Hop into our email group and let me know!