How to Step Away from the Email for Better Family Togetherness

I hear the ding of a new email come in and decide to read the message quickly while my boys are eating their Fruit Loops. I hear one of them say, "Mama," and my response is, "Just a sec," but before I know it, they're finished eating and are off doing something else while I'm still standing in the kitchen on my phone.

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I decide to check my email really quickly before the Avengers movie gets started. I tell Matthew and the kids to hit play so they can eat the popcorn while it's hot. "I'll only be 30 seconds," I say, but before I know it, I've missed the first 20 minutes of the movie, my popcorn is stale and tasteless, and my family isn't surprised at all.

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I sit down for a long game of Dominion with my card game-loving son, and my mind wanders to my email. I can't focus on him, and he knows it. He's disappointed when he beats me easily, and he knows I haven't really been there at all.

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I LOVE email.

I LOVE meeting new mamas on the internet (I’m looking at you, friend) and sending emails to you in our email group.

I LOVE getting responses back and reading your comments on blog posts and podcast pages.

I also love getting a message with a task assigned to it and quickly taking care of the task before it has time to clog up my to-do list. Basically, if there was a gold medal for email, you’re looking at the girl who would own the title - a shameless email champ addicted to an empty inbox, sending meaningful responses within minutes, filing away messages I need to refer back to later, and keeping messages that require follow-up in the very best spot.

But guess what? There is no gold medal for email.

And even though some part of me tends to believe the world might crumble if I don’t answer my emails right away, that just isn't true. (This probably seems silly to some people, but at least a few of you know exactly what I’m talking about.)

Meanwhile, my family feels a little differently about email because, frankly, sometimes I'm addicted to it.

Last November, I learned that constantly responding to emails is actually really bad for us, and when I read an article in Best Self Magazine about the dangers of multitasking, I told you in our Togetherness Tip that I was deleting all email apps from my phone.

And I did.

I haven’t put them back on either.

And guess what? The world is still spinning on and on.

(I bet you're just as shocked as I was.)

It's been a GREAT remedy for my email addiction. It's boosted my productivity. And yes, it's definitely helped in the family togetherness department, too. Still, it's hard for me to unplug from email and lean into my family sometimes. And when I don't unplug from email, leaning into my family gets harder and harder - especially when busy seasons hit like the holidays, work changes, house moving, (you get my drift).

So, right now, as we're all plugged in more than we ever have been before, I have a plan to help us unplug for long stints of the day to make room for family togetherness - especially for the Holidays.

#1 - Delete email apps from your phone for 30 days (or longer if you can).

It's amazing how easy it is to put email in its place when it's not dinging our phones every two seconds, buzzing in our pockets, or popping up when we're trying to text someone. If I'm struggling with an email addiction, my family knows about it because it means I have a laptop in front of my face; there's no hiding it on a tiny little phone screen. If you want to reset your own balance between email and the rest of your life, try taking it off of your phone for 30 days and see what a difference it makes. You may never go back, but even if you do, you'll have a new perspective.

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#2 - Check your email only 2-4 times per day (like productivity experts say we should anyway).

In my other life, I help people with database management, so I know I shouldn't put off emails too long as it could hold up other people's work. I also know that I don't want my entire day directed by other people's agendas (thanks, Brendon Burchard, for that nugget). So, I have set times when I check my email, and I try to stick to those. It helps a lot. It helps my stress levels. It helps me show up for my kids more. And it actually helps me be more thoughtful and efficient when I show up for my email times.

The cool thing is that most of us don't have to check our emails that often. (I dream of the day and unplug from it almost entirely on the weekends.) But if your work depends on quick email responses and you don't want to hold other people up with your new freedom, Cal Newport has some stellar advice for how to manage that a little more real-time while keeping yourself productive.

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#3 - Keep your goal in front of you on paper.

We humans are drawn to what we see, aren't we? And we often forget the things we can't see, too. I know this about myself, so I made a little something to help remind me about keeping email in its place, and I'd love for you to have it if you get sucked into email too often like I do. (You can download it here.)

#4 - Get into something amazing with your family (or for yourself).

Unplugging from our inboxes for hours every day frees up time to do all sorts of fun stuff with our families - things we probably won't think of when our minds are constantly pulled and pushed by emails.

We can get outside and toss a frisbee without our phones dinging in our pockets.

We can play a board game without a sales promo interrupting.

We can watch a movie without constantly looking to see who's messaged us.

And it might even free up enough time, energy, and creativity to go after a big goal we thought we didn't have time for, too - like the ones I talked to Lacey Grim about in this week's podcast.

(You can listen here if you haven't already.)

Whatever boat you find yourself in when it comes to email, I hope this togetherness tip at least offers you a different perspective.

And the next time you hear that little voice in the back of your mind saying, "Step away from the email," you'll know where to come for a little help.

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What would you rather be doing than checking your email?

Join the email group and shoot me a message.