How to Have Healthy Holiday Family Togetherness
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My family has a funny holiday story we recount every year at Christmas. It’s about the time my mom was making a red velvet cake in the kitchen when my sister and I started arguing about something and wouldn't help her with the dishes.
So mom turned around, threw her hands up in the air, and shouted, “IT’S CHRISTMAS!”, sending red velvet cake batter straight onto our white popcorn ceiling - a stain that stayed there for over a decade.
I love this story, and I love how my sister and I used it to tease my mom year after year about how she wanted Christmas to be perfect and ended up screaming at us because of it. It's a memory about her love for us and her intense desire for family togetherness. It's a story that might sound familiar to a lot of us moms who get especially stressed out at Christmastime.
We want to make really good memories with our families.
We don't want to get stressed and scream at anyone. We want to laugh at weird dad jokes and play new games and watch old movies and eat special food.
We want to show up and really be there with our kids and spouses.
But sometimes it's hard to know how.
Every year, I try to take a few weeks off from working and social media (and a lot of other stressors in my life) every year between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and this year is no exception. But as I started trying to look ahead, I could feel the stress rising. And when stress rises for me, I tend to start making unhealthy decisions - eating too much junk, skipping my self-care routines, and sinking into old habits.
I don't want unhealthy decisions this year, though - this year has had enough trouble of its own.
So, I reached out to a friend and registered dietician Camille Martin for some tips, and we recorded our conversation for you to hear.
We're talking about how you plan ahead for the holidays for your own health and for your own family.
(You can skip to the podcast below or keep reading for a summary.)
Listen here.
NOTE: You already know that 2020 isn’t the year for big holiday gatherings, but that doesn’t mean stress won’t come knocking at your door - especially if you’re sheltering in place with another family member for a while, caring for someone else, or creating a COVID-safe bubble with someone who doesn’t normally live with you.
We talk a little bit about family gatherings and holiday parties causing stress in this podcast, but we also talk about navigating the holidays without those things this year and how we can manage stress and disconnect this year, too.
At home with our people can be a stressful place, too - if we’re not careful and intentional about making it full of holiday magic. But we can be intentional in several ways:
We don't have to be afraid of eating too much. When we manage the stress BEFORE we get to the holidays, we can make healthy decisions. We don't have to be so hard on ourselves. We can take control. We can avoid living in chaos. We don't have to give into any emotional eating habits. We can have healthy happy family togetherness this holiday season.
Step 1 - We can make a plan.
What are you going to do if things go sideways or if you find yourself not being able to say no to stressors and emotional eating? Can you have a cup of tea to ground yourself? Go for a walk? Light a candle? Do you have a code word to let your spouse know when you need space? Can you talk about taking breaks before emotions get high? Are you able to unplug from other stressors (social media, email, drama, work, etc.)?
Step 2 - We can create a safe space.
Take a bathroom break. Hop in for an extra shower. Close your bedroom door and do some breathing exercises for ten minutes. Grab an extra yoga session or a new meditation practice.
Step 3 - We can be nice to ourselves.
If you lose your temper or over-eat or do something you wish you hadn’t, don’t dwell on it. Don’t start over in January - Instead, say, “Those two desserts were yummy. I can’t do that every time, but man, those were good.” And if things get stressful, don’t reach for the extra cheese slice - just take a break in the bathroom and breathe deeply, mama. (You can even listen to a song on your headphones while you’re in the bathroom if you need to. Who cares if people think you’re having stomach problems?!)